Dachloves201
New Member
I am sitting here writing this post in tears because I think I have reached the horizon where I need to make the most difficult decision of my life. I have 3 dogs now and know this won't be the last time I have this question but this is killing me to no end considering I am speaking of my oldest Dach. Gizmo. I have posted here before in other threads that Gizmo has been having terrible issues with diarrhea and thus far nothing is really helping. The vets thought is it's likely IBD or GI cancer but without biopsies and other batteries of test I wouldn't know for sure. Of course biopsies are expensive and something I couldn't truly afford and may end up only telling me as much as I knew before or enough to know that it was cancer and that chemo would be needed or without he'd go quickly, so I just decided to treat him symptomatically and see hoping if I couldn't fix the issue he could at least have a decent quality of life. There in lies my question or shall I say delimma. I am battling with the choice of continuing to fight for him and see if things can come out well on the other side or take a look at the fact of age and his current condition and let him go off peacefully to the bridge.
Right now he's on Prednisone to reduce intestinal inflammation, which at last talk with the vet he seems a bit less gassy then before but he's really had no change in stool consistency. Previously, the Prednisone was doing pretty well to spark his appetite which of course is a side effect of the medication. He did run out of Pred. over the last weekend which in itself was is issue but even still while on his first doses of meds his appetite was not as ravenous as I have heard of about other dogs being while on Pred. Most days Gizmo will not eat or if he does it's enough to just get by, maybe he even does it just enough to get me to stop coaxing him to. If I syringe him he will most likely not keep it down. He doesn't vomit often most times he has is when I try to force feed. Most of his days now are sleeping unless he has to go to the bathroom then he will get up and walk to go, which has resulted in accidents because he doesn't like to walk far, or he'll go get some water. Other than that he's sprawled out on the couch, bed or floor sleeping. I know he most likely also has some acid issues going on as he smacks his lips a lot after eating so it makes me think he is having reflux at times as well. While Pepcid can solve that for the most part getting him to take it is another story.
This issue is so hard because just last week I saw him play with toys he's never played with before and he seemed to have some gusto left and this week since going back on the pred. he's just been down and out and really not wanting much. I start to question is this what should be the rest of his life? Being on prednisone but having terrible bowel issues and then more experiments with medication to try and get firm stool but never really knowing if getting there is a possibility. In the meantime that's more ups and downs with what comes out either end and him feeling sore in the back and nauseous inside.
For all I know this could be a neurological remnant of his seizure back in May as his stool started to become looser near the end of that month beginning of June. So yeah, he's been fighting this a while but the vets and I have never really gotten him to the point where he was back to "normal." As I type this he's laying in the corner just sleeping quiet and peacefully but I can tell he's uncomfortable as any of us would be if we had the same issue however we don't really have the option or someone that can make that call and say enough is enough, at least not in normal circumstances....
God knows I don't want to lose Gizmo but I don't want him to suffer either. I am wrestling with the what if's. What if tomorrow's better and he starts to eat? What if he doesn't? What if I spend all of this money treating the symptoms when he may just go anyway because instead of IBD it's cancer? I also have the nagging thought that I failed him in some way and that's why we're in this situation. I know logically that's not the case but it is a nagging thought that runs through my mind. My family and friends are supportive and encourage me that I have done what I can but you never really feel like you've done enough.... While money is an object and I don't have much I do know I likely have spent well over 1500 in just vet visits, pills, food and supplements and would keep doing so for the remainder of his life if I was seeing great progress. The sad part is that I'm not seeing much progress at all. If he eats he poos in 2-3 hours time, if he doesn't eat he poo's in 2-3 hours time.
This was before prednisone and now while on it. The only thing the prednisone has done is make it look like dark chocolate pudding, so in essence less watery. You would think that would be encouraging but when it's only being held in for 2-3 hours and your seeing your dog get up to go upwards of 6 times a day it's hard to be encouraged by less "water" coming out the back end.
The vet wrote me a script for another med to go along with his prednisone but I really question whether or not to fill it. We're supposed to talk soon to discuss that. In reality, the answer would be yes I need to fill it because the prednisone alone is not helping but at this point my real thought is should I even bother giving him another medication with another side effect that's going to be hard to dose him with in the first place because he doesn't want to take the medication? It's like pulling teeth to get a Prednisone in. I'm thinking my conversation with her on Monday will generally be a real analysis of his weekend 'quality' of life and ask what my options are and let him go as peacefully as possible.
Sadly, I had always imagined that he would be here longer than 14 years. Which isn't a bad track record at all by the way He just turned 14 on the 27th of July. Since he's stubborn though I figure he'd defy odds and be around longer than the average just because he could. All I know is Gizmo has had a wonderful life and he's been with me since I was 16. He's gotten me through some of the toughest times and even though he is snobby sometimes (it's a lovable trait on him though lol) and stubborn he is a great dog and I think he deserves to be comfortable more than anything else. It's hard when they can't talk to you and tell you what's hurting or if they can be fixed or when to let them go. It'd be so much easier that way for sure. This is the one time I wish he could really tell me what he felt. I know dogs don't have the sense of dread we do about the end of life but it's still hard to let go and it's going to be even harder to imagine life without him and do all the things medically and "insurance" wise that finalize that road. The only saving grace is I won't be alone when that time comes as I have two other wonderful pups here with me that will likely miss him too and grieve along with me.
I know this got quite long but I needed some way to vent even if there are no responses. I guess this is a part of starting the process of letting go and grief.
Right now he's on Prednisone to reduce intestinal inflammation, which at last talk with the vet he seems a bit less gassy then before but he's really had no change in stool consistency. Previously, the Prednisone was doing pretty well to spark his appetite which of course is a side effect of the medication. He did run out of Pred. over the last weekend which in itself was is issue but even still while on his first doses of meds his appetite was not as ravenous as I have heard of about other dogs being while on Pred. Most days Gizmo will not eat or if he does it's enough to just get by, maybe he even does it just enough to get me to stop coaxing him to. If I syringe him he will most likely not keep it down. He doesn't vomit often most times he has is when I try to force feed. Most of his days now are sleeping unless he has to go to the bathroom then he will get up and walk to go, which has resulted in accidents because he doesn't like to walk far, or he'll go get some water. Other than that he's sprawled out on the couch, bed or floor sleeping. I know he most likely also has some acid issues going on as he smacks his lips a lot after eating so it makes me think he is having reflux at times as well. While Pepcid can solve that for the most part getting him to take it is another story.
This issue is so hard because just last week I saw him play with toys he's never played with before and he seemed to have some gusto left and this week since going back on the pred. he's just been down and out and really not wanting much. I start to question is this what should be the rest of his life? Being on prednisone but having terrible bowel issues and then more experiments with medication to try and get firm stool but never really knowing if getting there is a possibility. In the meantime that's more ups and downs with what comes out either end and him feeling sore in the back and nauseous inside.
For all I know this could be a neurological remnant of his seizure back in May as his stool started to become looser near the end of that month beginning of June. So yeah, he's been fighting this a while but the vets and I have never really gotten him to the point where he was back to "normal." As I type this he's laying in the corner just sleeping quiet and peacefully but I can tell he's uncomfortable as any of us would be if we had the same issue however we don't really have the option or someone that can make that call and say enough is enough, at least not in normal circumstances....
God knows I don't want to lose Gizmo but I don't want him to suffer either. I am wrestling with the what if's. What if tomorrow's better and he starts to eat? What if he doesn't? What if I spend all of this money treating the symptoms when he may just go anyway because instead of IBD it's cancer? I also have the nagging thought that I failed him in some way and that's why we're in this situation. I know logically that's not the case but it is a nagging thought that runs through my mind. My family and friends are supportive and encourage me that I have done what I can but you never really feel like you've done enough.... While money is an object and I don't have much I do know I likely have spent well over 1500 in just vet visits, pills, food and supplements and would keep doing so for the remainder of his life if I was seeing great progress. The sad part is that I'm not seeing much progress at all. If he eats he poos in 2-3 hours time, if he doesn't eat he poo's in 2-3 hours time.
This was before prednisone and now while on it. The only thing the prednisone has done is make it look like dark chocolate pudding, so in essence less watery. You would think that would be encouraging but when it's only being held in for 2-3 hours and your seeing your dog get up to go upwards of 6 times a day it's hard to be encouraged by less "water" coming out the back end. The vet wrote me a script for another med to go along with his prednisone but I really question whether or not to fill it. We're supposed to talk soon to discuss that. In reality, the answer would be yes I need to fill it because the prednisone alone is not helping but at this point my real thought is should I even bother giving him another medication with another side effect that's going to be hard to dose him with in the first place because he doesn't want to take the medication? It's like pulling teeth to get a Prednisone in. I'm thinking my conversation with her on Monday will generally be a real analysis of his weekend 'quality' of life and ask what my options are and let him go as peacefully as possible.
Sadly, I had always imagined that he would be here longer than 14 years. Which isn't a bad track record at all by the way
He just turned 14 on the 27th of July. Since he's stubborn though I figure he'd defy odds and be around longer than the average just because he could. All I know is Gizmo has had a wonderful life and he's been with me since I was 16. He's gotten me through some of the toughest times and even though he is snobby sometimes (it's a lovable trait on him though lol) and stubborn he is a great dog and I think he deserves to be comfortable more than anything else. It's hard when they can't talk to you and tell you what's hurting or if they can be fixed or when to let them go. It'd be so much easier that way for sure. This is the one time I wish he could really tell me what he felt. I know dogs don't have the sense of dread we do about the end of life but it's still hard to let go and it's going to be even harder to imagine life without him and do all the things medically and "insurance" wise that finalize that road. The only saving grace is I won't be alone when that time comes as I have two other wonderful pups here with me that will likely miss him too and grieve along with me.I know this got quite long but I needed some way to vent even if there are no responses. I guess this is a part of starting the process of letting go and grief.
